The Dishwasher Debacle

While at the aforementioned party, we realized we had 12 hrs to remove our dishwasher so that the delivery man could haul it away when delivering the new one on Saturday. We expected this would take about 20 minutes between the two of us- both being relatively intelligent and with all originally issued limbs and digits. We were wrong. wrong. wrong....
1. Don't bother putting on scrubby clothes. This won't be too messy.
2. Simply shut off hot water valve below sink. Validate hot water is off by testing faucet. Success.
3. Remove hot water hose connecting pipe to dishwasher.
4. Hot water sprays everywhere. Water pressure does not seem to be reducing. Screw it back on. Quick.
5. Call dad. Dad says we must not have turned the valve the right way. Try again. Hot water all over husband. screw it back on.
6. Call dad back. dad says this is called "residual water." Expect up to two cups or so. Try again, this time with receptacle under hose to catch geyser.
7. Surpass the two cup mark quickly. Screw it back on. Call dad. Now dad thinks there is no valve to shut off hot water.
8. Go under the house to look for water main.
9. find all sorts of valves, turn each and test water.
10. curse & moan a bit.
11. finally find inconspicuous and well hidden valve that shuts off all water in the house.
12. remove hot water hose from dishwasher.
13. remove output hose to garbage disposal.
14. yank really really hard on dishwasher til you hear cracking noises.
15. stop yanking
16. find screws affixing the dishwasher to the counter (cause of cracking noises)
17. unscrew, yank, dishwasher lurches forward.

18. water (retained in dishwasher from its final, unfinished cycle prior to stroke, heart attack, or whatever fatal condition befell our beloved appliance) spills everywhere.

19. wife exclaims at tendency of water to seemingly expand in volume while flooding a kitchen compared to the much less concerning quantity observed sitting in the bottom 2 inches of the dishwasher (prior to yanking)
20. towels, wet husband, towels.
21. confusion as to how to "unwire" the dishwasher with very very little slack on the electric cord.
22. call dad.
23. find flashlight & head back under the house to turn off electricity to dishwasher.
24. curse the souls who wrote on the circuit breaker labels in pencil, which has faded past the point of legibility.
25. trial & error til the dishwasher's electricity is cut off.
26. as a result of the errored trials, reset every single clock in the house
27. curse oneself for not having the foresight to back up electronic clocks with batteries as suggested in owners manuals provided with purchase of each electronic clock
28. husband attempts to unwire in a confined space at awkward angle. fail.
29. wife tries. succeeds.
30. husband comments on wife's small, delicate, and resultingly dexterous hands. no comment from soggy, dirty wife. husband adds that large, strong, and powerful hands were too large to fit. wife rolls eyes while toweling off.
31. final yank, and dishwasher is OUT.
32. celebrate. high fives. exclamations of one's handy-ness. praise of one's plumbing and electrical intuition.
33. wipe sweat from forehead.
34. turn on sink to wash dirty hands.
35. painful recollection of turning off water main.
36. can we turn it on w/o having hot water spouting from gaping hole where dishwasher hose used to be?
37. call dad.
38. find out that there will be no running water til the dishwasher is reinstalled.
39. suddenly feel very very parched. strong desire to shower, do a load of laundry, and water lawn. uncharacteristically thirsty for water. urge to flush one's toilet.
40. go to bed dirty and thirsty.
41. receive new dishwasher. kick the old one on its way to the likes of 'appliance hell'
42. look skeptically at the new dishwasher, sitting smug in a box.
43. begin installation while wife is out running.
44. call brother for help.

45. upon wife's return, after much cursing and removal of decorative countertop trim, have dishwasher installed and functional.
46. running water restored. dishes properly sanitized. happy wife.

p.s. - big big big thanks to chris for his help.

1 comment:

L.E.S. said...

This is one of the funniest things I have read. Think wife may have a possible career in writing.

Mysterious poster with initials L.E.S.