Today I went to the gym for sculpt class- a class that mixes weights and cardio and always kicks my butt. When I walked in I noticed it was all girls, and none of them had weights or benches. Apparently the first friday of each month is now dedicated to ZUMBA- the dance cardio class you have seen on infomercials if ever you find yourself in front of a tv at 3 am.
I had the panicked reaction of a caged animal. RUN! HIDE! TAKE COVER! But instead I stuck it out. How bad could 60 minutes of latin/hip-hop/belly dancing be in front of a giant mirrored wall in a glass room looking straight out into the gym's occupied treadmills, stair steppers, and bikes????
It was without a doubt the ugliest thing I've ever done. And I've done some ugly things- backyard pond fish resuscitation. Running up the off ramp of the Ross Island Bridge for a stray dog. Puking as I crossed the finish line of the Portland Marathon in front of THOUSANDS of people. But this was worse.
The first thing I did was change spots further into the middle of the pack so I wasn't too close to the mirrors or windows. Then I made sure no co-workers were around. When the music started and before the teachers started, many of the "elite zumba-ers" started bopping around. Some of them wore tight shirts and baggy hip hop pants. One girl had her midriff bared. Some even had on earrings. I had on a mismatched pink/orange/blue/white spandex ensemble that is becoming increasingly too tight (though in my defense I was NOT expecting to be zumba-ing when I packed my bag).
I started to sweat. Not from exertion- just from anxiety. I'm not one to "free style" bee bopping around. I pretended to stretch, waiting for the teachers to tell us to do something. Thankfully they started up quickly. Then it got too quick. Everyone goes left, and I go right. Everyone claps on the beat and I am two seconds too soon. Everyone gets the very VERY subtle signs the teacher gives that means shuffle shuffle hop, spin and clap. Seriously- how do these girls know how to do this? And how come when they do the 'bend down, shake your boobs and ass tap your toes and then clap' it looks fun and sexy, and when I do it it makes me look like God forgot to give me joints? They were probably cheer leaders in high school, or maybe they are all strippers. So they have dance moves and earn tips, but I have my ideals.
Sigh. There were actually some girls who sucked just as bad as I did. And judging by the amount I perspired, it was a darn good workout. And it was actually a little fun. So I might try it next month. By then my bump should be big enough so that people attribute my clumsiness and lack of rhythm to pregnancy. Ah, if only I could fool myself into believing that was the problem....