The Male Equivalent of Childbirth

Last night Luke got out of bed at midnight in terrible pain, and proceeded to puke and sweat for the next 2 hours. I assumed he had food poisoning, and with great sympathy, dozed back to sleep.

At 2 he woke me up, and we decided to go to the ER. When we got there in the bright lights I saw his face was all swollen and bloodshot from so much puking- and he was as white as a sheet. Luckily ER traffic at 2:30 is pretty light, and they set Luke up in a room right away. I have never ever seen anyone in so much pain- poor guy was writhing- he couldn't lay still. Finally around 3:30 they ran urine tests that showed a lot of blood in his urine. They gave him IV pain meds. It was the funniest thing- in literally less than 2 minutes he was out- snoring & all. Can I just say I am so thankful for medicine and doctors and insurance? And as a side note, I think my aspirations of natural childbirth flew out the window. They say kidney stones are as close as a man can get to the pains of labor. no thank you.

Luke was out like a light, and they had to do a CT scan to see if it was in fact a kidney stone. I went w/the technician which was lucky b/c she could not rouse him to get him moved onto the CT bed. Using my most authoritarian voice I persuaded him to move over- and he was snoring again before he even got scanned. Watching the CT scan was so amazing- I could see all his internal organs in cross section. Pretty cool.

In the end, it was indeed a kidney stone. The kicker was that by the time they did the scan the stone was almost to the bladder, after which the pain subsides. It means that the poor guy suffered through the worst of the pain w/no meds....all because we thought he was just food poisoned! (I am the worst wife ever) By 5 am when he was done with his IV fluids the doctor discharged us. As he came in to help me wake Luke up, Luke asked, "If it hurts more can I come back again?" He was so cute- he apparently did not hear the conversation that involved the doctor handing us 20 percocet :)

When we got home we went back to sleep, and then when he woke up he peed out his kidney stone. He had to pee through a strainer to catch the stone for inspection by a urologist. I know it is super gross but I could not NOT take a picture for the blog.

Poor boy- and this was AFTER the pain subsided. He looks like someone gave him two black eyes!


Kate & Matt Heihn said...

I am so glad you are so sensitive!!! Poor guy!!!

Ashley Marie said...

=(. Poor guy. At least when you're in labor and he tells you to stop being so dramatic, you can remind him of this.

Ashley Marie said...

=(. Poor guy. At least when you're in labor and he tells you to stop being so dramatic, you can remind him of this.

Sweet Little SMJ Family said...

Poor Luke Duke, man that is NO fun esp. if it is like labor. Man, he must have been in a lot of pain. Poor guy! You're a good wifey! Miss you.

Patty & Jack said...

OMG. Poor thing!!!!!!!

You Should Order Stickybuns! said...

Poor Luke! Comment for you....labor pains aren't constant and don't make you puke so you will be just fine! :)

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