Things that I cannot deal with today....
1. To protect the guilty...let's just make this one hypothetical: Hypothetically my husband has the day off (he worked 19 hrs yesterday). He plays poker mid-day and parks in his normal spot, which is a 1 hr limit. Let's just say he does so well in the tournament he MISSES OUR 4:10 BABY APPT. Then let's just say he incurred TWO SEPARATE PARKING TICKETS FROM TWO SEPARATE COPS TOTALLING $100. Let's just say he won more than that playing poker but refuses to pay for the tickets out of his poker fund (which he saves for our future, which is nice in theory, but right now our PRESENT is more expensive than our FUTURE). AHHHHHHHHH. Hypothetically I could not deal with this.
2. We are on 205 and there is a mini van in front of us swerving between 3 lanes erratically. We call 911 and give them the plates, make, model etc. The Oregon State Police ask for my name and phone number. I am trying to listen to the officer and luke is pestering me loudly in the background to "ASK IF HE'LL CALL US BACK AND LET US KNOW WHAT HAPPENS." I cannot deal with this.
3. We are at home depot. I need 8" tall by 1/2" wide trim. They have 8"x1" and 8"x11/16". Do you think they have 8x1/2? No. I am maxed out.
4. In line at home depot (I settled for the 1" b/c I'm in a screw it kinda mood at this point) the guy in front of me, like 1 foot away, suddenly has a reptilian TAIL COMING OUT OF HIS JACKET. I AM NOT KIDDING YOU. I nearly fainted. He had a PYTHON wrapped around his neck. A phrase I've been wanting to use applies well here: WTF!?!?!? Who takes a PYTHON to home depot- or anywhere???
5. Our final stop is walmart to buy baby-safe laundry detergent (and a loofah for luke, at his request- I am not kidding- he likes to loofah!). As I'm carefully climbing out of his truck (which takes some extra time in my delicate state) he asks, "Do you have herbivore teeth?" Sigh. He's been calling me bovine lately, so he thinks this is very clever. And he's right- I have to walk ahead of him so he doesn't see me laugh. Herbivore teeth. pfft.