Pregnancy is Lowering My Standards

I am 32 weeks pregnant, and there are some changes that I did not anticipate...

1. Normally, when I drop coins, I pick them up. These days I'm not bending over for less than a dime.
2. Prior to pregnacy I experienced a mild case of bare butt anxiety in the locker room. Like when you're trying to get your unders on & they're backwards or inside out or your foot gets tangled, and the more you try to hurry the more your bare ass is exposed to the poor innocent women in the locker room who don't want to be seeing any of that. These days bare butt is the least of my concerns. I am much more self conscious about the process of putting on my socks & shoes. It is SO hard to do this that my running shoes are in a permanent state of TIED and I just shove my foot in them. In the event I do have to tie a shoe, the bow ends up on the inside which is due to the fact that it is easier to hoist my leg up to the inside vs bending straight down. And putting on my socks makes me out of breath.
3. Rolling over in bed is like a 3 point turn. Well maybe 7 points:
a) mentally prepare to roll
b) check to see if husband is awake (if he pushes or pulls it reduces exertion up to 60%)
c) roll flat on to back; deep breath
d) confirm no ligaments are pulling or cramping
e) let baby settle
f) continue roll to the side, holding belly to avoid "dropping the baby"
g) inevitably decide i have to pee, which requires reversal of steps a-f with bonus step of a hike to the bathroom
4. Packing Tums in my gym bag is second nature. Spicy foods? bring it on. But hop in the pool and somehow I have major heartburn.
5. Instead of being offended, I am amused and mildly flattered when someone says: YOU'RE HUUUUUGE!
6. It used to put me in a foul mood to miss a work out at lunch. Now I have a blanket in the car in the event that a nap sounds more appealing than the elliptical machine come 12:00.
7. Every single smidge of pain or discomfort I feel I compare to what I expect labor will be like. This is especially true if I wake up sore in the middle of the night- I think to myself, if I am having a hard time SLEEPING how will I endure LABOR!?!
8. My husband tells me I look cute when I get home and put on a t shirt and ratty sweats. He used to be an honest man...


Kate & Matt Heihn said...

This is way too funny, I can't wait for Hannah!

Patty & Jack said...

You are wicked huge but everyone loves a fat preggers! :) I want to watch you put on shoes. Really bad.

Anonymous said...

I want to watch you pick up a nickel.

How did you get to 32 weeks already???

Oh, so exciting!