I go to great lengths to get my head right before I blog. I want to be in a calm, peaceful state of reflection so that I can project my BEST me to friends & family. I type, all the while imagining what gratuitous comments I might inspire. WELL NOT TODAY. Here goes...
1. 7:00 pm (last night): Mom decides to call it an early night & go to bed. Dad goes upstairs to have a drink, watch tv, and count his pennies. I am glad that he's getting a little time alone- he's a tired guy & needs some downtime.
2. 7:30 pm: Mom needs to go to the bathroom. I go in & help her.
3. 7:40 pm: Mom doesn't seem tired so I suggest we watch a movie & eat chocolate. I interrupt Dad's reprieve to ask him to build a fire for us (we're cold). He does so kindly & then resumes off duty caregiver status.
4. 8:30 pm: Mom is tired of watching the movie & just wants me to tell her how it ends. I concede.
5. 8:35 pm: I get mom back in bed, set her up with her book (now she feels like reading for a while)
6. 9:00 pm: I try to work for a while but can't stay awake. I go to bed in the living room.
7. 10:00 pm: Jo cries, I get her & bring her to bed with me.
NOW THE FUN BEGINS.
8. 12:40 am: Mom wakes up, I help her go to the bathroom.
9. 12:45 am: She calls me back to move the commode which is allegedly emitting bleach fumes near her cpap machine, which is "quite dangerous and annoying," you understand. Off duty caregiver is heard closing his bedroom door to get some peace & quiet. To this, on duty caregiver says, "hrumph."
10. 1:20 am: Stroke survivor wakes up, caregiver helps her go to the bathroom. Jo cries & needs to be nursed to sleep.
11. 1:50 am: Stroke victim needs some pillows adjusted, please.
11. 2:40am: Stroke victim wakes up, caregiver assists to the bathroom. Caregiver incredulously laments the fact that this is the 3rd bathroom visit in the last 2 hours. Care needer "thought she'd only gone once so far." Caregiver informs care needer that she is quite sure it has been three times.
12. 2:50 am: Care needer needs the commode moved again to avoid "toxic bleach fumes" which caregiver cannot detect. Caregiver ungraciously shoves commode into the corner and stomps out.
13. 3:05 am: Therapy dog barks at something outside. Caregiver yells at dog. Care monger hears that caregiver is awake and yells for help. Caregiver gets back out of bed to see what care monger wants. Care monger wants her pants taken off. Caregiver pulls her pants off and throws them in the corner. Caregiver sighs loudly as she stumbles back to bed for dramatic affect.
14. 3:30 am: Care needer needs pain pills and some water. Caregiver wonders if the "one for you, one for me" philosophy applies?
15. 4:00 am: Jo cries, caregiver nurses her again. Care monger deduces that caregiver may be awake and yells for help. Carebegrudger & baby stomp into care monger's room. Care monger needs the pillow that fell off the bed.
16. 5:30 am: Off duty caregiver (aka, the DESERTER) leaves for work but has the very good sense not to make coffee or breakfast in the living room/kitchen where on duty carebegrudger is trying to sleep.
15. 6:40 am: Jo stirs & starts to wake up. Care monger yells for help. Carebegrudger puts pillow over her head (her own head- she wasn't trying to suffocate the care monger...yet anyhow). Care monger persists. Carebegrudger & baby help care monger to the bathroom. After going to the bathroom care monger makes a move like she's going back to bed. WRONG. Carebegrudger informs her that we're now up for the day & there will be no going back to sleep.
16. Care monger observes out loud that carebegrudger has an apparent mean streak. Carebegrudger replies, "you have no idea."
17. Care monger inquires as to whether carebegrudger will withhold liquids and food as she is also withholding sleep. Carebegrudger threatens chinese water torture.
18. Carebegrudger passively-aggressively suggests an entire day of couponing at walgreesn & rite aid. Care monger groans.
19. Care monger casually asks when the carebegrudger is leaving & the off duty caregiver (the deserter) will return.
22. Deserter stops by briefly to check in- carebegrudger complains about the nights' tribulations. Deserter smiles like a choir getting preached too. Carebegrudger doesn't find this amusing. Care monger tells deserter how much she loves him. Carebegrudger watches on with jaw dropped as deserter smiles smugly at her. Care monger confides to deserter that carebegrudger has no patience. Carebegrudger decides to break up with care monger. Deserter deserts (again) before carebegrudger can make a get away!
23. Care monger & carebegrudger call a truce over starbucks. Care monger is now napping and carebegrudger is climbing onto the couch. right. now. goodbye.