Today while sipping her chocolate milkshake, mom paused to say to me (OUT LOUD):
"Dear Michelle, can you please turn off the answering machine? The beeping is going to drive me batty. Sincerely, your dear mother. X-O-X-0"
Mom: "Jack told me it would be funny if I started talking in the form of letters." (which makes sense because when Jack leaves me voicemails they ALWAYS start with "dear michelle" and end with "Sincerely, Jack Stephens ESQUIRE." And who even knows what an esquire is? I think it is a male hooker. Which I hope he is not.)
Me: "Oh, that's funny."
Mom: "Yeah, he also said when Linda comes to visit tomorrow I should wear an eye patch and tell her I'm a pirate. He said I should tell her it helps my mood to have theme days and so the theme of the day is PIRATE. And I should try talking like one. Then everyone will think I've really lost it."
Me: "hee hee, that would be funny."
-Then Mom locks her brakes, stands up & starts walking away-
Me: "Dear Mom, where are you going?"
Mom: "Dear Michelle, see page one." (referencing her first verbal letter, she is going to turn off the answering machine)
-A while later when Mom is getting in bed for a nap-
Mom, yelling at me from her bedroom: "Dear Daughter, you should know by now that you shouldn't leave your invalid mother's room without asking, 'is there anything else you need?'"
Me: "return to sender. no longer at this address."
Mom: "That's not fair!"
Me: "Oh yes it is."
Mom: "Dear Michelle---"
Me, interuppting: "Mom you can't just start talking, that isn't how letters work. I have to open them first."
Mom: "It's a TELE-letter."
Me: "There's no such thing."
Mom: "Yes there is, I just disovered them."