2 funnies from my family:
One: Jack stopped by my parents yesterday, which always makes mom happy and lightens everyone's mood. I wouldn't say this to his face, but he is one of the funnier people I know. He told mom, "Hey Mom! Good news. Your bum leg is cutting your carbon footprint IN HALF!" Right.
Two: Today Mom was crusing by the doorway. I was feeling crabby & burned out. With a sardonically straight face she said, "I would appreciate it if you'd make your shower quick because I'll need help with my bra." And then clump, clump, clump as she hobbled towards the bathroom, all the while making eye contact with me. I stopped doing the dishes (because believe me- I wasn't polishing my toes or eating bon bons), raised my eyebrows and said, "Oh reeeeally???" And she said, "Yeah. I don't want my mumbo jumbos getting cold."