1. Terry's bday is in June. Which means he starts scheming b-day plans in July. It isn't about him or gifts- it is all about the party, the number of guests, food, and entertainment. He likes to host it in his driveway, he likes there to be a big fat cake, he likes everyone in his world to attend, and he really worries about the prep. He sometimes tries to buy party food in May. He usually has some makeshift tarping/tents erected (in case of rain) about 4 days in advance. Two days ago he asked if I could help him rent a power washer so he can wash the mud off the driveway, 3 months prior to the party. While en route to the store I decided it was time to let him know I was pregnant. Here's how it went down:
Me: "Guess what Terry? We're having another baby!"
Terry: "Oh good."
Me: "It's due on August 3rd."
Terry, after a pause: "Oh! Then you'll still be able to come to my party!"
He then proceeded to inform me that this year's entertainment will be bingo. So naturally, I'm in.
2. Terry's got an awesome network of friends & support through his church. Terry doesn't mind asking for help and he doesn't mind offering it either. One of his friends gave him an answering machine, but perhaps didn't fully explain the concept. Here was Terry's message for a good 2 months: "Uh, HELLO? Uh...This is Terry. If you'd like to leave a message, give me a call."
3. Recently Terry's portable phone & answering machine died. I shopped for a new one for him, and a different neighbor helped him hook it up. Terry was thrilled to discover the concept of speaker phone. For 3 or 4 days when I called he'd say, "YEAH???" instead of "Hello" upon answering the phone. I finally asked him why he was answering his phone like that, and he explained that the new phone has this button you push- you don't even gotta pick up the phone! Which didn't quite explain the new phone answering etiquette...but whatever.
4. Terry is big big BIG on decorating for the holidays. Last fall in October I noticed he had Christmas lights strung. I asked him about it & he told me he didn't believe in Halloween so he was going straight to Christmas. He's worse than American retail.
5. Now this one is really unfortunate. But I can't complete this post without it. A few years ago Terry had a run of bad luck in the domestic pet department. His neighbor on the other side told Luke this:"I ran over Terry's cat. I feel terrible. I gave him my cat, to make him feel better. But my cat doesn't understand and she just keeps coming back in my house. (I know. A rather unorthodox response to killing someone's pet, and obviously not the smartest solution.) And worst of all, I really miss her and I feel like I want her back!" Luke suggested maybe she should just help Terry get a NEW cat.
So she did.
Now if I were a better story teller I'd have woven this little fact in somewhere in the text above. But I'm not, so take a mental time out and digest this: Terry doesn't have any teeth. He's got dentures that he refuses to wear, and for the most part, he speaks pretty well in spite of the missing teeth. But he can't say "V" - it comes out "B". Ok, resume reading.
Terry was really excited about his new cat. I asked him what he named it, and he said,
"CHUBBY?" I asked (feeling a little defensive for the cat).
"No, CHEBBY!" he said.
"CHEBBY?" I clarified.
"NO!!! CHE-BBBEEEEYYYY. You know, like the CAR?"
Oh, right. CHEVY. To replace the previous cat who was hit by a car. The irony was not lost on me.
Between 11:30 and noon, two women will knock on my door, come into my house, and clean it top to bottom.
Somehow I feel like I have to confess this, like there's something pretentious about having a maid. My running girls (all working, independent women & momma's) and I talk about it carefully- like we have to explain our rationale: "I just have more important things to do! It is worth $50 every two weeks to not have to worry about dusting my baseboards- I work full time, I have a lot going on, I have a career- I can afford this, and I deserve it. I'd rather spend time playing with my kid than rushing around after work trying to clean toilets when my child is trying to get my attention."
It reminds me of a teacher in high school who explained outsourcing in this way: If Michael Jordan makes an average of $500/hr, and mows his own lawn when he could be paying $10/hr to have it done, he is actually LOSING money by doing it himself. I'm not exactly MJ but the concept makes sense. Still it feels like I'm committing housewife sacrilege: like I'm making mashed potatoes out of a box. Which is something I abhor, but have actually done about 3 times in my life...and vow to never do again.
This is not a commitment. I'm not signing up for regular service. I got a steal of a deal on living social (2 cleaning ladies, 3-4 hrs, $70). I would practically have been throwing money away NOT to buy it. So we'll see how it goes.
So Mom: If I get fake nails, a spray tan, buy a mercedes or have enhancement surgery you can worry. Don't worry yet.
Tammy, Tony & Les were great entertainment. I don't remember the last time I laughed that hard! As we were leaving I talked them into getting ice cream. I told them the last time I went out for ice cream I made the mistake of ordering first. I was with my running girls. I thought we had an unspoken agreement about gorging together since we run so stinking far together. I was wrong- after I ordered a dbl scoop waffle cone I turned around to find them daintily eating mini scoops with teaspoons. Tammy, Tony & Leslie were no better. Tammy turned down ice cream all together, tony skipped the cone, and les actually told the kid: that's enough ice cream. I left with a dbl scoop waffle cone. I'm pregnant, you know.
After dinner Leslie gave me a jar of her home canned pickles. Full of fried chicken & ice cream, I mustered the will power to save the pickles for the next day. They were amazing. I'm canning with her this summer. The pickles were gone in 24 hrs.Chevy's hot sauce. It says it's HOT, but the first ingredient is actually mangoes. There's a bottle on every table. Between my mom, ash & I we ate almost a full bottle last time we were there. The great news is they'll sell it to you if you ask.
The best I saved for last. Saturday night I left my friend Amy's baby shower feeling like I needed a little something. I'd been wanting to try Potato Champion
since I found out they have poutine. POUTINE is a food delight credited to the Canadians. It's fries + gravy + cheese curds. And it is AMAZING. My only complaint was that the cheese was not quite as melty as I'd have liked. I was able to power through it though
Here's the foot of my baby:
Here's the arm & profile of my baby:
Here's the gender of our baby:
-I have grapefruit bodywash
-It SMELLS exactly like the white gummi grapefruit slices TASTE
-I was craving them
-I searched for them on amazon from the comfort of my couch
-To my surprise (and yours, I'm sure), the most economical order quantity is five pounds.
-I also found they had gummi peaches, so I ordered those too
-Which is why the fed ex man brought me 10 lbs of candy
-It turns out too much candy hurts my stomach
-It turns out pregnancy cravings are short lived
-It turns out that as soon as you have 10 lbs of something you don't want it anymore
-Jo knows exactly which cupboard the candy is in & watches it like a hawk
Checking out sharks w/dad. Actually this is a fish- but there were sharks there too.
He said "122nd & Powell."
I looked it up online & found the address was 3287 se 122nd.
He said that was the one @ 122nd & Powell.
I googled it anyhow & said, "yep, it's at 122nd & Powell- I googled it."
He said, "You didn't need to Google it, you could of just Luugled it."
My dad will appreciate this since I almost always google the facts he tells me- some of them are pretty unbelievable:
1. Those sheep have green marks on them in honor of st. patrick's day (regarding green-marked sheep seen on the side of the road on st. patrick's day). FALSE
2. There is more nutritional value in the seed of an apple than the entire apple. TRUE (although they also have a poisonous compound in them)
3. Domesticated ducks turn white. TRUE
Two out of three isn't bad, especially since #1 was more of a "LIE" than "FALSE."