The No Update Update

1. Baby is not showing any signs of arriving. In fact, the baby is head down, but head facing the wrong direction. Google tells me this means labor is harder to start naturally (not enough pressure on the right spots), more likely to have water break without really being in labor (which happened with Jo), longer labor, longer pushing, etc. So I've got that going for me.

2. On the plus side, babies in this situation often turn face back when contractions do get going, plus if I spend a lot of time on all fours there is a chance the baby will flop into position. So I weeded my flower beds tonight, but I refuse to scrub floors, and when I am in this position Jo feels compelled to either jump on my back or crawl under me. And with this belly, there is a very low clearance which she finds an enjoyable and funny challenge. Humans are not meant to be on all fours, especially with a sagging sow back and humongous gut. It is not attractive, nor is it comfortable.

3. Wednesday I got a call from Luke who said, "This is the SECOND day in a row that I've poured a bowl of cereal with ANTS in it. Get an exterminator appointment TODAY." He was not happy. I started laughing, which didn't help his mood. So we're out 2 full boxes of cereal & $225. But I've got a six month warranty against ants which is worth it.

4. Speaking of Luke, I got a text from him last week that said this:
"Our toothpaste option is HORRIBLE. I refuse to live like this."
It was arm & hammer baking soda/whitening toothpaste, and he's right- it was horrible. We've since replaced it.

5. More on Luke: (and this was my f/b update today) My husband likes to tell me each day which times would work best for HIM for me to go into labor. Today, for example, it is advisable for me to wait until after 3pm.

6. I don't want it to seem like I'm dishonoring my husband by making fun of him. He puts up with a lot. He cleaned all my carpet/upholstery on Wednesday. He power washed our patio. He dances to Taylor Swift with his daughter. He doesn't complain when I bring her into bed even though he gets the business end of her lengthwise body, and bruised ribs to show for it. He grills dinner every night, and keeps the laundry going. And best of all? He tells me to go take a nap when I need one, which is often. Don't get me wrong- I know I'm a catch, but I'm pretty sure I got the better end of this deal.

7. We switched back to Direct TV today for the football season. Luke just found out that all the broncos games he dvr'd last season are still saved on our box. So tonight we get to take a trip down memory lane, reliving the highs & lows of the bronco's last season. That should explain why I'm working and blogging tonight.

8. If ever I glowed, that light bulb has long since burned out. I have never been so irritable in my life. I am starting to puff and swell.

9. My doctor said the longest she can let me go medically without inducing is 8/15. That served as no measure of comfort.

10. I forgot to pay my mortgage this month. I forgot to turn off the water the other day, which overflowed my pond. I forgot to turn off the water again tonight, which means we have a well soaked lawn. I lost my debit card today. I am losing my mind.


big & bigger

34 weeks (last month): BIG

38 weeks (today): BIGGER


Random Updates So I don't Forget July 2011 Happened

Work has been insane, and the thought of "wrapping up" is unfathomable with all that is left to be done. Still, I don't want to forget this month entirely, so here goes with the non-work related updates:

1. Jo wore a super cute outfit today, but will no longer hold still for any sort of photo. Much less smile!

2. About 8 months too late she finally digs her home-made Halloween costume.

3. We went to Kristen & Brian's wedding on Friday- it was beautiful!! For some reason I sobbed through the entire ceremony. Good grief- maybe it is the hormones? When Brian's Grandma read the excerpt from the Velveteen Rabbit I got into an particularly bad cycle of hold breath, release it in a puff, gasp, hold breath. And that is how snorts are made. The wedding was great- these two make quite the pair!

4. Baby is now in the GO position. I think. The kid is going nuts in there, and sometimes I think he/she is flipping all over. Dr says the baby shows no signs of arriving any time soon- which is FINE BY ME!!!

5. At the doctor's office (for whatever reason) the receptionist had Jo say "ice ice baby" one day & so then at last week's appt we practiced with Vanilla Ice en route. That tickled me to no end for about 24 hours. Now I'm over it & Johonna's toddler like endurance for mind numbing repetition is JUST setting in. I have to say- hearing her say "ice ice baby TOO cold" is adorable.

6. This was my facebook status Thursday night. It bears repeating:

I am going to coldstone. It required putting undergarments back on. THAT is how badly I want ice cream.

7. I need to take a belly picture soon- this belly is unreasonably big. Sometimes I marvel at it. If by chance I walk by my husband in the buff he laughs (which, by the way, is not the right thing to do in any circumstance or under any condition.) If I walk by a mirror in the buff, I laugh (which is fine- laughing at ones self is ok. Laughing at your pregnant wife or referring to her "blossoming belly" as a "GUT" is not ok.) When Jo & I go to swim lessons we both look like toddlers- waddling like t-rexs with butts & belly's sticking out. When I'm going to the grocery store, if it is in Milwaukie, I don't care so much if the underside of the belly is hanging out a little. I'm in good company- there's lots of people in Milwaukie whose underside hangs out a bit, and they're not even pregnant.

8. Luke does p90x at home, and when Jo & I are here she takes great delight in "working out" with him. When he does his arm pull things with the resistance bands she runs in circles around him squealing. If he's doing yoga stretches she practices her 3 legged dog too. If he's doing plyometrics she jumps around & tells him, "Good jumps Daddy!"

9. When Jo toots (sometimes at an astonishing volume for a 2 year old) she says, "excuse me." Which is what we've taught her to say. But it is really REALLY hard not to laugh. She's so non-challant about it, and while she'll soon discover the humor in bodily functions I don't want her to be embarrassed just yet. So I have to put on a straight face, but it is pretty funny.

10. Luke bbq's every night. Usually chicken & veggies- that's what he eats for lunch & often what we eat for dinner. But the other night he stopped at some kitschy market & came home with an assortment of ridiculously overpriced and outlandish meats:

-hen (which i'm pretty certain is another name for "$6/lb chicken"- but the name seemed so maternally fowl that I couldn't eat it.

-water buffalo. Again- pretty sure "buffalo" is the same as "water buffalo" but I did eat that & it was good. I ate it because they sell it at Fred Meyer too and that is main stream enough for me to justify eating it. I will not eat many meats sold at Winco, including but not limited to: pigs feet, chickens feet, pig snout, tongue (of any beast) or anything with the description "hocks."

-nasty nasty marinaded shrimp. Gag me.

-lamb. I wouldn't eat that on grounds "if we sing about the animal in a song to our daughter I will not eat it." That is not sound logic nor is it true. I eat a "moo moo here and a bok bok there" all the time- but it felt like a good reason at the time.


Bbbbaby update

Baby update stats:
1) Baby is BREECH. boo. Dr will schedule a manual turn in 2 weeks if baby hasn't flipped, but based on ultrasound she thinks he/she is in great position to flip on its own, and encouraged me to push on my left side a little when I feel like the baby is trying to flip. Which I have been doing mercilessly. There are also some odd positions recommended (thank you google) to encourage baby to flip...so hopefully there are no hidden cameras in my house. It is not attractive.

2) Ultrasound provided further evidence of baby's gender, which my dr begged to tell me. But I held out. She did call the baby HE and SHE several times....AND raised the question of circumcision...so mabye a boy??? Or she's throwing me off the trail all together.

3) Baby's estimated weight=6.6 lbs. By my calculations my placenta must weigh 5 lbs as well as each boob. They don't offer that sort of statistic, but if I work backwards it is clear. You don't need a degree in medicine to figure it out- just a community college course in positive thinking :)

4) I am 1 cm dilated. Not bad for a breech baby. For a good time, grab a ruler (that's a "woowah" for you, jack) and check out how big 10 cm is. That should send chills down your spine.

5) To encourage early bonding, this baby is bringing Johonna some elmo pajamas and a birthday cake to share. It's a tight fit in there.

Jo Updates:
6) Johonna sang ICE ICE BABY TOO COLD to the doctor, receptionist, and nurse today. It was totally scripted- they think she is funny & we aim to please.

7) Jo pee-peed in the potty this week one time. She also took off a poopy diaper in her crib & finger painted. I'd like to think they cancel each other out, but poo-on-wall beats pee-in-potty everytime.

8) Jo is a swimming machine at swim lessons. She is even doing some face down front swimming!

9) Jo composed her first email this week, to Poppa. He claimed to know what she was saying, but it looked suspiciously like "32eeeeeeeewwwwwwooooe444444w22 2ssssssssssss" to me.

10) My sweet little girl played in her crib for nearly 3 hours tonight before falling asleep. You should hear that kid belt out TINKA TINKA YITTA STAAAAAHHHH. It makes me smile.


BIG NEWS: engagements all around!!!

Yesterday Chris proposed to Rachel!!!! And she said: YES!!! This is so stinking cool- not only are the beautiful together, but they assemble a very nice little family. Congrats to Rachel & Chris- and Oliver & Kimberly- two middlebrooks engagements in a matter of a few weeks!!!

Patty is going to lose her mind. :)


my life in texts

If you have an iphone you know that the message screen can be an interesting glimpse into your relationships. Here are some that are showing on my message screen - I'm not telling you who they are from/to, you just have to guess.

Let me know if you can make it. Nate is giving out free physicals...

A little boy took a bite out of her arm!

It's on like donkey kong.

Me too woot.


Picking the pink donut frosting off the nose prior to eating it.

Do you have vern's number?

Admittedly it's tempting...

pink for spring.

Did either of her dear uncles give Jo pop??? She's WIDE awake...

Don't show ANYONE but...

What are you thinking? Is this sexy gifts or registered wedding gifts?

In my defense, I just got done running.

Is that a pregnant thing or an over achiever move?

We fit in one moo-moo.