12.09.2011

a little bit Portland, a little bit Milwaukie

I practically live in Portland. I barely live in Milwaukie. I am NOT in like the used car dealerships/McLoughlin Milwaukie- I'm in the we-have-community-meetings-at-the-newly-built-elementary-school Ardenwald neighborhood. We're like one community garage sale away from having those self important green neighborhood signs that say "Ardenwald Neighborhood" like you see in Sellwood (which is Milwaukie's slightly more affluent big sister). My house is .6 miles from the dividing line. I know this because I drive over it every day. In case you were curious, BOTH cities, in fact, enforce the speed limit by way of photo radar. Those are the sorts of messages you see around here when you cross boundaries. It's not quite as friendly as the "thanks for visiting Washington, come again! (yeah right- no thanks Vancouver!)" or "Welcome to Oregon." It's more like: "don't speed or you'll get caught. feel free to park 12 cars in your yard, use the grocery cart to get your groceries home, and bowl every night of the week, but do NOT speed."

Anyhow, I was born in Portland. I fancy myself a Portlander, not a Milwaukian. But maybe I'm just fooling myself.

1. Tonight I took the kids for a walk. (Outdoorsey Portlandy)
2. I took the dog too. (Very Portlandy)
3. The dog is a pitbull. (uber-Milwaukie.) Just teasing- he's an Australian Shepherd. (Phew- Portlandy)
4. I pushed my kids in a double Bob jogging stroller. (Atheltic Portlandy) Bonus Portland points: I bought it off craigslist.
5. I wore a hoody, jeans & running shoes (definitely Portlandy- hip and not trying to hard.)
6. The jeans were boot cut. Not skinny. (ouch. Milwaukie.)
7. When my dog "did his business" I picked it up. (Responsible Portlandy.) Bonus Portland points: I used a plastic produce bag which I expressly saved for this purpose instead of throwing into the landfill.
8. At the grocery store I bought gourmet pretzels & beer (foodie Portlandy)

****and here's where the tide turns*****

9. The beer was Coors Light. (macro-brew Milwaukie)
10. I bought the 18-bottle case because it is more cost effective. (minimum wage Milwaukie)
11. The enormous box of alcohol was too large to fit in the undercarriage of my Bob stroller. Since I was too embarrassed to unpack it and shove it in the multitude of Bob cargo pockets (and I don't know what the Safeway return policy is on beer) I had no other choice but to put it on top of the stroller's handlebar. Precariously balanced above the heads of my precious children. (heart of McLoughlin Milwaukie)
12. I was more than a little worried I'd get mugged for my beer while walking back home. (misdemeanor Milwaukie)

There you have it. Tomorrow in effort to restore my inner Portlander I'll be shopping at Whole Foods, bike commuting somewhere, and sipping fair trade coffee in the Pearl.

2 comments:

Kate said...

Too Funny!!!!

Stephanie Klein Photography said...

Oh my, how I have missed catching up with the Middlebrooks blog these past few weeks!!

Love this Michelle, you never cease to make me laugh!