3.24.2012

Peyton & Tonya

Last weekend Luke went out of town at the height of the Peyton Manning drama. The Middlebrooks household was on high alert for a possible Denver/Manning union, and distraught over what that might mean for our beloved Tebow. Not one to take things that mean absolutely nothing to me too seriously, I sent Luke a text that read,
"Denver just signed Manning, 4 yr $80 mil. No word on Tebow."
He called me back immediately & I lied about having seen it on ESPN (that should have been his first clue- like I'd watch ESPN of my own accord). After a few minutes he figured out I was totally lying and called back to tell me in an I-wish-you'd-grow-up/annoyed tone, "that wasn't funny." In retrospect, it was quite prophetic. Manning really did sign with Denver the next week. But I got no credit for my foresight.
As soon as Luke returned from his trip I started fishing for some acknowledgement of my comic prowess. Instead of accolades I was shut down & told, "You'll get it back. And you won't like it."

Ok, rewind about 15 years. I was in high school. I was at the food court at Pioneer Square. While minding my own business in line for some chinese food a man said to me,

"Has anyone ever told you that you look like Tonya Harding?"
There is really only one way to take that: like a bullet to your gut.
Now- if someone tells you that you remind them of Kirstie Alley, you might assume they mean Cheers-Kirstie
...not gain-100-lbs-then-lose-100-lbs-then-gain-150-lbs-Kirsti
If someone compares you to Lindsey Lohan, you can pretend they mean young, happy Lohan
Not time-in-the-slammer-Lindsey:
And if you're compared to Britney, you can bet they meant hot-Britney
Not crazy-bald-Britney:
But if you're told you look like Tonya Harding, there's no possible silver lining. Your options are:

Unfortunate-leotard-club-wielding-can't-outshine-pretty-kerrigan-even-with-the-triple-axel-Tonya
Or too-much-rouge-broken-laces-ugly-cry-Tonya
Or worst of all, b-list-boxer-Tonya
So anyhow, over a decade later I'm still a little bent out of shape about the Tonya comparison.
What does that have to do with a teeny tiny Peyton prank?
Tonight I was out running errands and decided to pick up dinner to go. I asked Luke to call it in, and here's the text I get back- my payback for not being able to suppress my God given gift of wit and humor:
"I called in the order.
It's under Tonya Harding.
Seriously."

7 comments:

Kate said...

OK, this had me dying!!! You do NOT look like that piece of white trash!!! AND I thought the Manning bit was wonderful. I really wish you could have seen their faces and justifications when they were trying to explain away why you would have information before them!! Haha

Patty & Jack said...

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Olive Pit said...

Hysterical!

Becky said...

Yup, Mike said I'd like this one. So good! And there is absolutely no way you look at all like Tonya...not even close.

Hans and Elizabeth said...

GREAT story Michelle....
Hans says 'Go Luke! Keep up the good work!'

Anonymous said...

I would be interested in the rest of the story, how was it handled when you picked up the dinner. Did you man up and say Hi I'm Tonya here for my food.

Des said...

i so remember that comment. Oh and i am dying laughing!