Mom: You're not stressed about Sunday (birthday party for Jo)? What are you going to serve?
Me: I don't know yet.
Mom: Well you know a guest in your house is like a precious jewel on a pillow. They are to be treated with care.
Mom: Well I think Katie is my real daughter because she knows how to host a party.
Jack: You better be careful or your house is gonna look like a shitty antique store.
I returned my mom's phone call and she says: Oh hi. Listen. I'm going to make this quick because I'm standing at the fridge. Hold on.
Me: You're the slowest quick conversationalist I've ever met.