Jack is consistently dismayed at the amount of praise I get on facebook for our home improvement projects. I can't say I blame him.
Here's a project I did:
This project was technically quite complex. I had to drive to Goodwill and find this blue vinyl stool. Then I had to rip the vinyl off. You can imagine the risk presented by all those old staples. If I hadn't been careful I could have been poked.
Then I had to trek to JoAnn's craft store. If I remember right (the memories of this project are foggy- I think I am repressing them) it was a FRIDAY night when I went. You do NOT want to mess with JoAnn's on a Friday night. That is when all the married 30-something's with kids who are finally asleep and 20-somethings without boyfriends, descend on this craft mecca. It is insane. Watch out for the cutting line.
Anyhow- once I got my fabric I had to use a dangerous [manually] powered [staple] GUN to affix the new fabric to the stool. It was touch & go for a while.
So I post stuff like that on facebook, and get 18 likes in 2 minutes or something.
Jack, on the other hand, does things like THIS:
That is the front wall of his house- removed entirely so he can install a new window & patch his house. And though it's not like he had to brave JoAnn's on a Friday night or anything, it definitely didn't get the facebook praise it deserved.
The problem with Jack is that he's not properly advertising his work. I should know this because:
a) I have a degree in marketing from an accredited university
b) I have perfected the art of brogging (that is bragging on your blog. A word I made up. See, even the way I explained that was a brog.)
So I thought I'd give Jack a few pointers for getting maximum attention and glory for the least amount of effort. Here goes nothing.
Rule 1: NEVER post a evidence of your father doing work.
Only post the picture of the final product- and leave people to assume you completed the project without the help of your father.
Rule 2: Use "BEFORE" photos that invoke TERROR and FEAR. Here's Jack's "before" kitchen picture. Maybe the colors are a little dated...but it is clean and in good order. I feel like eating when I look at it- not throwing up.
My solution? Sprinkle mouse terds for maximum effect.
Rule 3: To properly impart the impression that you are a HARD worker, you must not appear clean. If it looks like you're on a HGTV show, you're doing it ALL wrong:
If it looks like a paint can exploded on you, you're doing it right. Bonus points if you have paint globs in your hair that you carefully avoid washing out so that everyone thinks you're a super intense painter.
Rule 4: Buying salvaged doors, refinishing them, trimming them, and then HANGING THEM is a lot of work.
Instead, just slap some dirt on the wall (for your before picture) then some 409 (for the after picture), post them side by side & call it a day in 10 minutes.
Rule 5: Set the bar LOW. Your efforts are much more impressive if you make it clear that you drink coffee, type on a keyboard all day, and are generally incompetent
vs being employed as a professional plumber.
Rule 6: Think outside the box when it comes to photo evidence. For example- here's Jack holding a level to make sure the subway tile he's carefully measured, cut and set is perfectly straight. BORING.
Instead, temporarily strap a kid on your back & pretend to be climbing a tall ladder with some sort of tool or weapon in your hand.
I'll close with this:
Jack, you too can experience facebook fame (amongst your relatively small network of friends online) by: using photos that exaggerate the results of your work, taking credit for things your dad did, or generally just looking dirty and paint-covered. Sprinkle in some faux humility and impressive words (status update example: "Just salvaged some old growth beams and reclaimed hardware to whip up a custom routed fireplace mantel- no big deal") and you'll be getting likes & comments all day long. I also recommend developing a network of friends who are not artisan woodcrafters, professional plumbers, or otherwise employed handymen. It is much easier to impress your friends if they're the sort that don't carry a 5 in 1 on their person at all times for removing caulking/nails/scraping paint on the go. Best of luck in your endeavors, brother.