7.21.2013

First vs Third Pregnancy @ The Doctor's Office

ANTICIPATION
First pregnancy: today is the day! I get to go to the doctor!
Third pregnancy: crap! I have to go to the doctor today!

PREPARATION
First pregnancy: legs shaved
Third pregnancy: ziploc baggies of marshmallows, teddy grahams and goldfish with stickers to keep the kids occupied during the ultrasound/sonogram/anything involving stirrups

COMMUNICATION
First pregnancy: call every blood relative to provide an update (my blood pressure, baby's size likened to produce, my weight gain in lbs and ounces to date, etc)
Third pregnancy: Only the important stuff to Luke, "Pregnancy test was positive. HIV test was negative. They think I've gained 6 lbs but wouldn't weigh me naked so that's probably inaccurate."

HANDOUTS ON PREGNANCY
First pregnancy: read meticulously and left on the dining room table for husband to peruse should he be so inclined
Third pregnancy: discretely thrown in waiting room garbage can

Q&A
First pregnancy: Questions? Why yes. I brought a list.
Third pregnancy: Questions? Why yes. Are other patients mentioning that your scale seems to be off by exactly 6 lbs?

SCHEDULING
First pregnancy: Carefully planned so that Luke can attend
Third pregnancy: Carefully planned so that Luke is most likely able watch the kids

BIRTH PLAN
First pregnancy: I DO have one! In fact I have a bound copy I printed especially for you.  I will be birthing naturally with no medical intervention and I do NOT want to be offered pain medication of any kind.
Third pregnancy: I DO have one! It is: EPIDURAL.

CONSIDERATIONS
First pregnancy: What is the lightest possible thing I can wear that is still publicly acceptable to best reduce my measured weight gain?
Third pregnancy: What is the lightest possible thing I can wear that is still publicly acceptable to best reduce my measured weight gain?

1 comment:

Kate said...

This is so hilarious and accurate!!!!